Pulling back the reigns, indeed.

I'm not advocating pure high-fructose-corn-syrup consumption - really, I'm not.  But on a hot day, what's better than a Slurpee?  Slushy-Ice + sweet artificial flavoring + artificial coloring = fabulousness ESPECIALLY when it is free.

I'm going to get one.

7-11-day

♥♥ Chris Brown-Forever [New Song 2008]--WITH LYRICS!!♥♥

This new Chris Brown song makes me HAPPY.

Sometimes I feel as though my moods change with such frequency that - if I likened it to wind changing directions, my soul would be tattered and shredded like a flag left on the pole for far too many seasons - never having been taken down at sunset to rest for the evening, no.  No rest for the wicked.  Isn't that how it goes?

Today I am ridiculously melancholy.  Whereas, last night, I went to dinner, read my book and felt like a million bucks - for whatever reason (none that I can think of in particular).  Though I did derive the same pleasure from reading my new book -

Hypocrite in a Pouffy White Dress

- really just as much pleasure as I found in reading it in every spare moment I've had to spend reading it since I got it on Monday afternoon - but - today the pleasure was fleeting - the smile did not stay; my heart did not leap as high; my mind did not engage quite as fully.  For the most part, today while reading over my lunch-hour, I just felt jealous of Gilman's writing mojo.  Lovezit.  Wantzit.  Needzit.

Argh.

The melancholy hangs over me, a dark cloud above my head.  Navigating the mine-field of dating has done a real number on my psyche.  I am hesitant, now.  Socially shell-shocked in a way I've never been before.  It's a new feeling for me - like my social confidence has been shaken as I never anticipated it could be.  I've always felt very secure in my social skills until now - and suddenly I feel awkward, shy, fearful even. 

Gone are the days of the sexy, saucy, love-goddess-Lara.  July has ushered in a new era of the socially inept, frightened and mouse-like Lara.  I need to get some new glasses soon.  I feel I should be hiding behind some glasses.  I am also going to adopt a more bookish and matronly style of dressing.  Ugh.  I think this is what it feels like to have a bruised ego - or something.  I don't know what this is - all I know is I do not like it one bit.

I am addicted to this song...

Matt Nathanson - Come on, Get higher

Out of nowhere this gust of wind
Brushed my hair and kissed my skin
I aimed to hold a bridled pace
When with love itself I came face to face

Pullin' back the reins
Trying to remain
Tall in a saddle
When all that we had, well,

k.d. lang - Pullin' Back The Reins

I know your soul is wild and free
Like this galloping inside me

Tossed by instinct - and where we land

Is vast and certain of all that's planned

You know, I learned to break the run
And gently harness the love of someone
Yes, and equal parts of wait and trust
Is in control of the both of us.

Equal parts of wait and trust.

When I originally posted this a few weeks ago - I just adored the song - the emotion, the bittersweet feeling it gave me when I was listening to it.  But now - it suddenly makes way more sense than I ever thought it could.  Especially that line I highlighted above, "Equal parts of wait and trust."  I am ALL about that. 

You may not believe this - but - I have really been jaded - about a great many things having to do with love and trust and, really, as much as it may have seemed I hadn't given up hope and as much as it may have seemed that I remained optimistic - the truth of the matter was:  I haven't believed in THAT kind of love since I was a teenager.  Maybe it is time to start believing again.  There is no innocence lost.  I know who I am - I am still so much like that girl - only now I am a woman with great strength and patience - capable of giving my trust to someone who deserves to have it.  I am love and it is all about the giving. 

Lunch at Pei Wei with Andy Panda.    Good times.  Good times, indeed.

So.  When a girl is a little fluttery over a guy but knows she needs to be paitent because a guy might not be feeling quite as fluttery (if at all) - or perhaps he is and he is just sorta kinda letting things simmer under the surface because that is what comes naturally to him: why is it that just KNOWING that she needs to be a little patient makes it even harder? 

Actually - to be honest.  I've done a little re-evaluation just in the time it took me to type that out.  And I have come to the conclusion that not only is this patience thing GOOD for me - it actually feels NICE - to be able to savor and to consider the dynamics of our first face-to-face.  Instant gratification is SO yesterday.  If green is the new black, then PATIENCE is the new instant-gratification.  That's how I am playing this one - and do NOT question me on this topic. Please and thank you.

And now, for something completely different...the threat of exploding sheep?  (NO - no, not that....)

WHAT ON EARTH, WEDNESDAY?

1. Why is it "speak" and yet it is "speech" not "speach"?   I will never understand this.
2. Why am I such a GIRL?
3. Why does crying feel so good sometimes?

Well, I'm outtie-five-thousand. 

sometimes venting is 'just the thing'. 

Moved into new rental house about a week ago.  Pretty big place.  Needs a lot of TLC.  Obviously not going to get any TLC from the landlord.  The TLC is going to have to come from the LOVING RESIDENT (a.k.a. THE SUCKER by the name of ME).  Here's a short list of the things I have discovered in need of repair/replacement just since moving in a week ago:

Swamp Cooler: living in the desert southwest presents unique challenges for indoor-climate-control in the summer months.  A swamp cooler or "evaporative cooler" works like... I'll let this smart guy, Vince Calder, tell you:

Evaporative coolers work by the evaporation of the cooling medium (usually water). Water is a very effective coolant medium because it has a large heat of vaporization -- about 10 Kcal/mol. or about 42 KJ/mol. When you consider that 1 mol of water is only 18 gm, or 18 cm³ that is a lot of energy absorbed on a mass basis.

However, evaporative coolers also require that the surrounding air have a low relative humidity (R.H.) because the rate of evaporation is roughly inversely proportional to the relative humidity. At 100% R.H. no water would evaporate and the efficiency of the cooler would be essentially zero.

Answered by: Vince Calder, Ph.D., Physical Chemist, Retired

Leaky Pipes:  I am pretty sure there is a very serious leak under the house.  The first sign was the horrible rattling sounds I heard the first time I turned on the shower.  Then, last night, I went into the room that will be my daughter's and the floor felt nice and cool under my feet.  Thinking that I was having some kind of weird sensory hallucination restricted only to the nerves in my feet - I reached down to feel the wood floor with my hand.  It felt not only cold but slightly damp.  Bad sign.  Also, the fact that the water pressure in SOME areas of the house is poor and in others is just fine - that seems worrisome, as well.

As if that was not enough - there for every 3 windows in the house only 1 of each has a screen in it.  I'd put them in the windows myself - if I could find them.  I've looked in closets and in the garage with no results.  All in all, I think there are 9 windows and I have 3 screens. 

 

 

 

Things fer luvin':

1. Full tank of petrol in the little white Toyota.

2. Energetic people at work.

3. Bagels before the morning meeting.

4. Snoop Dogg jokes that really aren't that funny - but it's all in the delivery, baby.

5. A New Bed.  It's true.  Actual FURNITURE.  I know.  It's a pretty huge commitment - having furniture - but - I think I'm ready to do this "grown-up" thing.

6. Shopping for sheets.  I'm all about the high-thread-count, baby. 

7. Andy-Panda who is a wonderful father, a sweetheart of a guy, a smart, responsible man and so much fun to talk to.

8. Being right about "I Feel Pretty".  Score one for the Lara.

9. Big park less than a block from my new house with giant shade trees.  My new meditation spot.

10. Having ten whole things fer luvin' this week - feels good.

Things I rather loathe:

1. Sleeping alone.

2. Having to drive 35 miles (each way) to get the rest of my stuff from the old place.

3. The distance of over 200 miles between Albuquerque and Las Cruces.  Silly!

4. Losin' a fob.  Where did it go?

5. Messy desks.  UGH! 

Things I can't WAIT for:

1. Cuddling with someone cuddle-worthy.

2. REAL VACATION.

3. A fully furnished house - including bunk beds for my cutie pies!! 

4. BRILLIANT IDEAS to be set into motion.

5. New glasses.  I need some specs, fo' realz yo.

Stephen Lynch - "Love Song"

I heard this song last week at Karaoke. 

New Karaoke DJ is WAY FUN.  He is hilarious, in my humble opinion.

When I heard this song I thought it was a Ben Folds deal - but I was thinking of "Bitches Ain't Shit," which is freakin' awesome...So you can have that one, too - because it's Monday and everyone needs a little giggle-break on a Monday, I think.

Ben Folds - Bitches Ain't Shit - Geneseo, NY

You know what I love about Ben Folds?  I mean, besides his great voice and incredible musical talent, that is...  It's that he is so flippin' white and he has some serious brass ones to do this song as a nerdy white boy.  It's REALLY funny. 

Anyway - I just love BOTH of these songs.  They really bring me up when I'm not feelin' it.  Since it's Monday, I needed a little extra dose of the funny. 

Summer is almost here.  We're having an unseasonably cool day in New Mexico - breezy, slightly humid, clouds over the mountain ranges, just below 70F.  It's kinda awesome - but I digress.  So - with summer just around the corner, I feel it is my duty to provide you all with this Public Service Announcement regarding the inappropriate nature of donning the banana-hammock in public.  Under NO circumstances is it permissable for ANY man to wear a "Speedo" bikini-style swimsuit in public.  I'm certainly not suggesting that you shouldn't rock the banana-hammock in the privacy of your own backyard pool.  Heck, go naked (within the confines of your privacy fence, please) and have fun - wear or don't wear whatever - but when you venture out to the public beach, parks and pools - PLEASE keep your junk well-hidden.  Thanks.